Who am I? – Short Story on Resolutions
The mercurial temperament of human nature never ceases to amaze me. Each of us, with the entirety of our passion, make big commitments and resolutions of changing oneself for the greater good, but frankly how many of us adheres to them? With the advent of new year, we also decide our resolutions, and pledge certain things to our self. But with the passage of time, how many of us sticks to them?
I will change myself. I will be in touch with my near and dear ones, throughout the year. I will no longer be gripped by despondency. I will no longer drink alcohol or eat non-veg. I will quit smoking. With such ease we make such resolutions, but what happens when the time comes to abide by these resolutions?
“I love you,” said the message which I received on my phone. It was my girlfriend. She never forgot to remind me of her love and I never forgot to smile at that. I replied, “I love you too.”
I poured some whiskey and right at that moment, I received another message. It read, “I love you”. I smiled and I wrote back, “I love you too”. It was my crush, the girl I was flirting with. She knew I had a girlfriend but I had promised her that I would break off with my girlfriend and stay with her, which was a lie. I just wanted to use her and I loved my girlfriend.
I took the glass of whiskey and went to my balcony. As I started sipping the whiskey, I looked down on the road and observed people. I looked at the crowd of people walking and talking and I wanted to ask them many things
How many of you are happy? Do you want to run away and never come back? Are you sick of being betrayed by your friends, families and lovers? Have you ever thought of committing suicide? Do you really believe in God? Or are you the lucky one with a happy life?
I saw one kid holding his mom’s hand and walking slowly. I smiled at him. Do you have any idea what is ahead of your life? What if I come and sit with you and tell you how life is? May I tell you how to grow up right? Then would you listen to me? No, you wouldn’t.
You wouldn’t understand and by the time you do, it would be too late. How could you understand if I tell you that being too kind can be dangerous? You would hate me, won’t you? What if I tell you not to trust or be dependent on anyone because when they leave, you will feel miserable? Heaven and hell are both here kid, I hope you will be lucky and find heaven.
I then saw a drunk man sleeping on the pavement. He was a ghost because no one seemed to see him. Why do you drink so much? They say life is short but is it too long for you that you no longer want to live? Why did you abandon everything for this? How many times did you suffer before you finally found happiness in drinking? Isn’t there anyone who loves you or you love? Have you completely given up? May you find happiness in something else.
An old woman was walking carrying a plastic bag full of vegetables. She stroked one kid’s hair, smiled and then started to walk again. Do you want to be a kid again or do you simply wish you had lived your life rightly? Or are you happy how your life turned out to be? Do your children and grandchildren keeps you happy or are they tormented by how you act at this age? Do you fear death or do you wish for it? Is this the life you wanted? I hope you don’t have to cry at this age. I hope and wish for your long life and happiness.
A man and woman were laughing as their small girl was doing some funny things. I laughed too. Are the two of you always like that? Happy and still in love Or is it just like the act my parents used to put up outside? Do you still love your wife or are you cheating on her and waiting for an opportunity to end it? Do you still love your husband? Do two of you sing lullabies to your baby at night or is your fighting her lullaby? Does she have to choose which parent to stay with or is she going to be brought up being proud of her parents?
My head felt like it would explode with whiskey and questions. I went inside and rested on my bed. I reflected on my own life which had too many things to be mended.
I had a grandmother who had loved me and raised me whom I hadn’t called for very long because her poor hearing irritated me. I had my dad whom I hadn’t visited for so long because he was alcoholic and it embarrassed me. I owed apologies to many people who I had betrayed. I had to let go of the grudges I had against many people for betraying me. And at last, I had to stop cheating my girlfriend with the girl I had no intention of being with because I was destroying three lives here. I had to make things right and perhaps then, I would believe in God again. I slept praying for all the people to make this a better world and promised myself that the next day, charity would begin at home.
I woke up to a bad headache and a message on my phone. “I love you”, the message said and it was from my girlfriend. I smiled and replied, “I love you too”. Then there was next message, “I love you”, it said too but it was a different girl. It was my crush. I stared at the message for a long time and shook my head. After few minutes, I pressed reply and wrote, “I love you too”.
Then a call came in and my phone displayed, “Grandma”. I frowned for a long time and pressed the ‘reject’ button.